Scattered, Smothered and Covered: Why Waffle House Matters

I don't remember when my mom and dad started taking my brother and me to Waffle House on Saturday mornings. But I remember it being one of my absolute favorite things to do. The hard backed booths with their padded red vinyl cushions. The sticky, glass sugar dispensers and the sizzle of shredded potatoes thrown on grease that somehow magically transformed into a glorious, glistening, golden brown pile of hash browns that in my 20 some odd years on this earth I have yet to see properly replicated anywhere.

It was a staple of nutritional deficiency and a complete disregard for our arteries.



And it was heaven on a weekend morning.

As I've gotten older, Waffle House has become less of place to have a meal and more of a place to have a life. It's been the backdrop of 3am arguments and life-changing conversations with best friends. Its parking lot has seen the rise and fall of one of the most substantial relationships of my life, and when I came back from Jacksonville, terrified to go out into the world and do anything, I was still able to meet a dear friend at midnight at Waffle House and guzzle cheap coffee from the same iconic mug my mom and dad drank from when I was kid. Innumerable games of checkers have been played on grease-laden table tops and some of the most willing, listening ears belonged to the waitresses that worked the graveyard shift.

The waitresses, old and young, faces always deeply lined with a life of potentially poor decision-making, and voices invariably gruff from too many smoke breaks, are always willing to talk. Despite the fact that it's Christmas and they have to work. Despite the fact that your brain is shellacked with booze and you're just trying to consume enough fat and salt to stave off an inevitable hangover, they're always willing to chat. And Waffle House waitresses always, ALWAYS have a past. Whether you feel like listening or not, as soon as you saddle up to the booth, you're committed to hearing about pieces of it.

It's a place you can go and always feel like you have company, whether someone's sitting across from you or not. A little um, drunk? Come on in. Don't feel like getting dressed, or cooking for yourself, or showering? Fear not - at Waffle House, you're still likely to be the most attractive person there.

It's a church confessional for those of us who don't have dress shoes - just pajama pants and too many shots of cheap whiskey, and desire to talk to someone who doesn't know you at all. It's the cheat day for your diet.

And it's the absolute best cup of coffee you can get for $1.

Quintessential Depressing Break-Up Song List

Scour the internet and you will find no end to the break-up mixes. Songs full of angry lyrics about keying cars and being strooon-ger (Britney? Anyone? Okay). For those who are able to transition immediately into that phase of the break-up, kudos. You bypassed the crappy part completely. Count your lucky stars that you made a beeline straight into rage.

Unfortunately, for the rest of us, all that anger requires lots of effort, and when you've been blown apart by a break-up and every step you take throughout the day physically aches, sometimes you just don't have it in you to get there. All you have the energy to do is cry because everything else seems daunting and weird.

These songs my friends, all clickable and ready for your listening pleasure,  are for those moments.

These aren't meant to empower you to get up out of your sweatpants and face the world. These songs are your official permission to wallow.

Do What You Have to Do - Sarah McLachlan - So Sarah will reappear again on this list because her voice is stunning and beautiful, and it's able to capture the delicacy and desperateness of grief. And that's what break-ups are for some people - episodic, annihilating moments of grief.
Knee-buckling lyric: And I have the sense to recognize, that I don't know how to let you go.

Simple Together - Alanis Morissette - If you're willing to endure the gut-wracking sobs that this song will likely induce, it's one of the most accurate break-up songs ever written. It's about the precious, crystalline hopes you go into a relationship with, and how awkward, displaced, and empty-handed you feel when it's over. It's the way she sings the words. They're long and wailing. And let's be honest, if anyone knows about pain, it's Alanis Morisette. Prepare the tissues, ladies.
Knee-buckling lyric: I can't go to you for consolation, cuz we're off limits during this transition. This grief overwhelms me. It burns in my stomach. And I can't stop bumping into things.

Shadow of Love - She & Him - Alright, now that that's over, pull yourself up off the floor. It's gonna be fine. She & Him tend to make even the most depressing situations light and pastel. But this song, still in typical mid-century fashion, actually feels like a break-up song. It's haunting, but still soothing somehow, thanks to that thing Zooey does where her voice is perfect. It's also matter-of-fact. It's all the hard edges of an ending.
Knee-buckling lyric: We should have known, love's as brittle as a broken bone. 

Throw Me a Rope - KT Tunstall - This is just a beautiful song. The girl singing it isn't broken; she's lost and waiting for the time to pass. Which it never seems to do after a break-up. Because it's an asshole.
Knee-bucking lyric: So throw me a rope, to hold me in place. Show me a clock, for counting my days down. Cuz everything's easier when you're beside me. So come back and find me, cuz I feel alone. 
(Close second: And whenever you go, it's like holding my breath underwater.)

Wreck of the Day - Anna Nalick - If you are dealing with the end of the relationship, I'm just going to go ahead and recommend this entire album. It's really good. But this song is about a girl that is exhausted. And discouraged. And has thrown her hands up in the air, because seriously, what the hell else are you supposed to do? It's not crippling, but it's honest.
Knee-buckling lyric: Desperately close to a coffin of hope, I'd cheat destiny just to be near you. 

Foolish Games - Jewel - If you're sensing a heavy 90's theme here, it's because there kinda is one. But only because that seemed to be a decade where a lot of grrrls were getting broken up with and writing songs about it. I guess they're still doing that now, they're just all really shitty. This one is a classic. It's so good, so sad, so 90's. So everything you need to walk you through your misery. Also, the video is ridiculous and amazing.
Knee-buckling lyric: Well, excuse me. Guess I've mistaken you for somebody else. Somebody who gave a damn. Somebody more like myself.

Full of Grace - Sarah McLachlan - Welcome back, Sarah. We've missed you. This song is so, so sad, but so incredible. Another 90's staple, I first heard this song on Buffy (see: Joss before The Avengers, best writing on TV ever). This is rock-bottom, ladies. She wrote this from a dark well of despair and somehow managed to turn it into beautiful music. I'd only listen to it once though, because you do have to stop crying sometime.
Knee-buckling lyric: I feel just like I'm sinking, and I claw for solid ground. I'm pulled down by the undertow, never thought I could feel so low.

Shine - Anna Nalick - So if you've made it through the list and you're aren't too teary-eyed and wine (or whiskey, whatever) drunk, get up and listen to this. It's Anna Nalick again, because I love her. And also because she's asking you to get over it, in a way that's poetic and empowering. Honestly, I know it hurts. Everywhere. All the time. Blind-siding you in the car and the shower and everywhere else. But you're kinda not serving the world by staying huddled up in your house mourning over a situation/a person/a life you just weren't meant for. So cry and cry and scream and don't get dressed and hate him and ache and grieve. But then stop. And listen to this.
And because now you're up off the floor: And I think you need to stop following misery's lead. Shine away, shine away, shine away. And isn't it time you got over how fragile you are? We're all wait, waiting for your supernova.

So. Before I go. Let's review.

Don't think it's okay to spend forever in this deep hole. Do allow yourself to be sad. Don't fight it. Let it be. Ride the grief. And one day, out of nowhere, you'll wake up and feel like yourself again.

That's what I hear, anyway.

Sex Sells to Women

"So much of what makes good writing is rhythm, the stop and start of a sentence. That's also what makes good sex."

-courtesy of The Daily Beast

Cool your jets, guys. It's not what you think. Well, I guess it kind of is.

I was reading my copy of Elle last night (because I have time to do that now!) and I ran into a tiny little insert announcing the release of Adult by founder and Editor-in-Chief Sarah Nicole Prickett - a new magazine labeled as 'female erotica' because it features sexy ladies in various states of nakedness. Not unlike Playboy, it's also slated to feature poetry, essays and interviews. But unlike Playboy, those things are slightly more likely to be read. Also it has recipes. Does Playboy have recipes? I dunno.

"The first issue of Adult," she says, "has such a retrospective feeling because it's full of all the things I was concerned about this year—surveillance, [the government] reading e-mails, censorship, Florida, which was a trending topic for half the year." She warns (and laughs), "It's incredibly dense and takes forever to read… you can't flip through it, really." -courtesy of The Daily Beast

While Elle seemed genuinely excited about it, it's getting mixed reviews online in terms of whether or not it should actually be considered transgressive and feminist. And since I don't happen to own a copy, I can't really say for sure whether I agree or disagree with this statement.

What I do know is that its feminist slant is slightly skewed by the 'male gaze' under which the photo spreads are shot. The images circulating online show examples of women essentially waiting to be taken or tied or untied - waiting to be acted UPON rather than the opposite. This is probably because the photo editor is male. I'm also a little confused as to why a magazine of female erotica or porn or whatever features so few penises and so many lady bits. Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate a woman's body and the power that can come from owning your sensuality, which I'd wager is kind of at the nucleus of this magazine.

But I also feel like it should be recognized that women enjoy taking part in voyeuristic bedtime reading just as much as men.

Image via The New Republic

Adult doesn't really seem to cater to women anymore than Playboy does, minus a few pictures of dudes.

On the flip side of all this is my annoyance at the fact that because the women in the magazine do seem to be in mostly submissive positions, they can't also be seen as feminist.

Ok, stop. I know that submissiveness isn't used as a way to describe feminists, like, ever. But feminism is marginalizing enough as it is without shaming an entire category of fetish/fantasy. Some women just get more turned on when they feel submissive. I don't think it necessarily makes them less empowered as women if it's how they feel most comfortable expressing themselves sexually. 

I guess I've just always felt a little uncomfortable with this all or nothing bullshit when it comes to what it means to be a feminist. To me, women making the decision to trust a man enough to be submissive, IF IT'S WHAT SHE WANTS, is feminist. The inverse of this would also be true. It's the woman's ability to DECIDE what she likes that gets the feminist stamp of approval.

And hopefully in upcoming issues of Adult, all sides of female sexuality - the dark, the sweet, the fucked up, the typical - will be explored and exposed in a way that honors the fact that ladies like getting some, too. And not because it sells something, but because it satisfies them.

Image via The New Republic

As a woman and consumer, and also as someone who hasn't actually seen the inside of this magazine, I'd like to hope it features pieces that stand leaps and bounds above the giant, not at all literary, pile of crap known as Fifty Shades of Grey, instead featuring commanding, curious and empowering pieces written by women of the same type.

Oh - Other noteworthy features of Adult (courtesy of The Daily Beast): an aphrodisiac breakfast recipe and an exploration of Erica Jong's 'zipless fuck' concept by Katharine Bernard.

So ladies, what say you? Would you read Adult? 

*It should be noted that at the end of the review in The Daily Beast, it was stated that the editors of Adult don't define the magazine as solely for women.

Fall Semester is Like that Horror Movie with the Girls in the Cave

I feel like the girl in the (almost)last scene of The Descent - you know that super claustrophobic movie where the girls go explore the cave and all the scenes are of them in suffocating crawl spaces, super close-up? Well, after like 2 hours of zoomed-in, can't-breathe shots, and drowning in a thick, mucus-y vat of blood, the main girl claws her way out, drives her hands up through the glorious Earth, all dramatic-like, and finally breathes in fresh air, taking in the vast blue sky.

I feel like that girl. Except this semester has been the shitty, dank cave with monsters in it, and my geology class was the gross blood pool, and the feeling of submitting my last paper was not unlike taking a breath for the first time 4 months.

It's a beautiful thing.

Me at the end of the semester