Tea Bag Tuesday on a Wednesday

Calm down, everyone. Tuesday's Tea Bag is back after a brief hiatus.

I really like this one. And not just because you all get a lovely close-up of my broken, crazy witch knuckle.

It's because if there was ever something I needed to write on my mirror or post on my fridge or tattoo on my body, this would be it.

If I could just go out and gather back up all the time I wasted chasing after shit that I thought would fulfill me but absolutely did not, I'd probably have enough to like, bicycle across India, come back, create a small Silicon Valley internet start-up, and then organize my closet.

All those things I spent all that time chasing are, not surprisingly, gone now. And with them is that feeling you get when something is just really, really good. And it sucks, because you've been white-knuckling all these things for so long that when they dissolve - and they always do - you're left feeling so hollowed out that the tiniest things blow you over.

That's the aftermath and running after all these temporary things (or people) trying to be happy. The problem is that they are external, which ultimately makes them temporary. That one guy that time? Temporary. That whole packing up and leaving the state cuz things sucked where you were? Temporary. And while you're busy thinking you're running after happiness and satisfaction, you don't realize that you're also running from something. And it'll be there when the temporary stuff decides to bounce.

It's only been recently that I've been able to stop, bend down with my palms on my knees, gasp, and realize how TIRED I've been. I know I'll always be scratching at my restlessness; as transient human beings we all will. I also know that I'm not the type of person who won't ever be content with any one place or one thing. But when you realize that you're actually okay, wherever you are and with whoever you're with, on the inside, then that desire to always go and leave and seek doesn't feel like chasing.


We've all gotta figure out how to bring the stillness with us while we're running.

Did that make sense? I hope so, because it felt good to write.

By the way, I think I'm finally going to be able to get back to blogging regularly now. I don't like these sporadic posts fit in at the end of very busy days.

And don't worry Joe, they won't all be about tea.

xo.